The use of sarcasm, though not an effective tool in communication (thanks Tim!), will be used throughout this post.

Angry Face.svgIt may be difficult to realize, but I am not 100% positive, optimistic and happy every single day. I know, I know, you’re probably asking yourself right now, “but Josh, how could that be?” The short and simple answer is that I’m human. My days aren’t long enough, every moment isn’t filled with growth or joy, and quite simply, sometimes I’d rather just not think about anything.

It is in these low times that people seem to always notice. Most people don’t say anything out of the ordinary if you’re doing well or good every day. Catch someone on an off day and they say “just TERRIBLE!” when they usually say “Great! Thanks for asking!” and everyone starts whispering about “what’s got them so riled up this morning?”

Sometimes, we misread people, and assume they are angry. When we assume, well, we tend to make an ASS out of U and ME. But hey, why not go full throttle when it appears that someone is having a crummy day. If they’re a little short with us, I couldn’t see how I’m the problem, right? I’m the victim here, not them. They can’t be mad at me for any good reason.

Maybe, just maybe, I should bring it up to their attention that they’re being mean, angry or grouchy. Yeah, I’ll let them know they’re over-reacting, and then, poof, problem solved! They will realize the error in their ways, and their inner Oscar the Grouch will be relieved. Scrooge will exhale out of their body in the next breath without even a “bah” let alone a “humbug.”

My 3 Favorite Sayings to Change Someones Meanness

I use these all the time, and every person automatically stops being mad/mean/confrontational, and we’re best of friends! I usually follow these up by asking if they want to get some ice cream, kick off our shoes and frolic through a field of flowers.

What’s wrong, Grumpy Gills?

Best used with a scrunched up face, like you’re saying it from the movie, Finding Nemo! My brother has said this to me countless times, but I haven’t heard it in a while. I think it’s the fact he lives a couple hundred miles away, but that’s doubtful. I’m the epitome of happy all the time.

Calm down!

Best used when people are really starting to get loud, so make sure you SHOUT, “CALM DOWN!” to them so they can hear you through their shouting. They seem to think that by YELLING THEIR POINT, YOU WILL LISTEN BETTER! But you and I both know that they’re being ridiculous. They just need to calm down, right? Tell them that, and use their name too. That helps a ton. If “calm down” doesn’t work, try it’s cousin, “relax,” best used in a stressed out tone.

Why are you so upset/angry/grouchy?

Innocent question, right? Really, you just want to know why they really are that way. They usually aren’t that way, or maybe you’ve just had one too many happy juices and the words just kinda got spat out of your mouth. Either way, you’re just asking a question and being honest. As Juanny P from the Bachelor showed us this season, it’s important to be honest, never mind that Andi saying there’s a difference between being honest, and, well, you know.

So take heart to these three, well technically six, suggestions, and put them into your arsenal. It’s a sure fire way to make friends, and definitely to patch things up with your family. They’ve been down for too long, it’s high time we put them on the fast track to Happyville, USA!

Note: I am not responsible for any punches to your face you may receive from the sarcastic comments above.

3 Quick Phrases to Upset Anyone in your Life

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